The thing about kids (and little kids especially) is that they like to tell their teachers stuff. Specifically, they like to tell their teachers things about their parents. Plenty of that information is benign (my mom got a new job), but fairly frequently, we get a juicy nugget. Here is my non-exhaustive list of things I know about my second graders’ parents:
Disclaimer: No real secrets were revealed in the writing of this article, but these answers were inspired by the many, many students who revealed many, many secrets.
Jamal: “My mom says someone better start helping with dinners around here or else.”
Kiara: “Grandma’s coming to visit and Mom’s mad.”
Anthony: “The cat ate the top of the pumpkin pie, so my mom put whipped cream on it and served it. She said not to tell anyone.”
Logan: “My mom says her new boobs are the best thing she ever bought. I’d rather have a Nintendo Switch.”
Noah: “My dad says Aunt Betty’s been hitting the sauce.”
Sophia: “My mom’s hair isn’t really yellow.”
Emma: “My dad put Kleenex in my shoes so I could go on Tower of Terror.”
Dominic: “My mom says not to call her.”
Maya: “Ugh, my dad clogged the toilet. AGAIN.”
Caleb: “My mom started using beauty cream. It’s not working.”
Angel: “My dad hit the neighbor’s car, but he said it’s OK because it didn’t leave a mark.”
Elijah: “Dad slept on the couch last night.”
Liliana: “I really want a baby brother, but Mom says Dad is shooting blanks.”
Olivia: “My mom wrote this note. It says I was sick, but we really stayed up late watching a movie.”
Riley: “My dad loves to touch my mom’s butt.”
Madison: “My mom ran over the garbage can. She said the F word.”
Jayce: “My dad has soooooo many hairs in his nose.”
Zoe: “Mom told me where babies come from. Gross.”
Charlotte: “My mom draws her eyebrows on.”
Jacob: “Sorry I’m late. Dad was making a beer run.”
And finally:
Mason: “My mom really wanted me to have Mrs. Taylor as my teacher, but she says it turns out she likes you after all.”
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Plus, check out Teachers Share the Funniest Things Kids Have Said About Their Parents.
